If you ever commit the (grave) mistake of seeking online tips on getting over a breakup, you’ll probably end up feeling even more confused than before.
Should you cut out contact with your ex completely or try to get closure? Should you refrain from dating or should you jump right into the next opportunity to have fun? Each author has their specific idea on these topics and the advice is quite often contradictory.
The topic of rebound sex is even more controversial than that.
While some believe it’s empowering and exciting, others claim that rebound sex doesn’t do anything for faster healing.
If you’re considering such an opportunity, you’ll need to assess your current emotional state and needs. The truth of the matter is there’s no universal formula for getting over a breakup. While rebound sex works really well for some people, it gets other feelings even more depressed and stuck.
What Science Has to Say about It
As surprising as this may seem, there are actual studies on the topic of rebound sex!
In 2014, a report appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. Analysts looked over the behavior of college students to find out that revenge sex is a real phenomenon. In fact, it was quite commonly used to get back at an ex.
Of all participants in the survey, a third did have rebound sex after a breakup. Researchers also found out that rebound sex is a time-sensitive issue. It’s most likely to take place in the first month after a breakup. After that, the chances of hooking up with someone new to get over the end of a relationship go down.
Psychologists explain the phenomenon in a very simple way.
After the end of a relationship, many people experience a confidence dip. They may feel unattractive or undesirable. They may worry that love will never again be in the cards for them. Rebound sex acts as a quick confidence boost. Needless to say, the nature of a relationship and its end both determine how likely a person is to engage in rebound sex. Those who end it on good terms are less likely to seek out such validation.
Mental health professionals, however, cannot come to an agreement about whether rebound sex is healthy or not. In the short term, it could increase one’s ability to cope with the breakup. One’s emotional state after a breakup, however, also brings up the risk of being taken advantage of.
Will Rebound Sex Help You Get Over Your Ex?
The short answer to this question is probably not.
If you’ve been in a long relationship with someone, chances are that a single casual bedroom session would be insufficient to help you overcome the loss. True, a hookup will offer some temporary distraction. Sooner or later, however, you’ll go back to feeling sad, lonely, or confused.
Rebound sex could give you a bit of relief and pleasure while you’re hurting. Needless to say, however, you should go into the experience having realistic expectations.
A casual hookup isn’t going to solve your problems or address your emotional issues. It can deliver a bit of pleasure and proximity. That proximity, however, is superficial. It cannot be expected to develop into something deeper and much more meaningful. True, that could happen in time. Don’t, however, go out seeking a hookup with the idea of turning that into your next relationship.
Consider Alternative Ways to Get Pleasure
Rebound sex with someone new isn’t the only way to get a bit of pleasure, distraction and a confidence boost.
In fact, many people will opt for deeper and more meaningful opportunities.
Spending quality time with the people or the activities that you love can both give you a much deeper sense of satisfaction. Your value isn’t embedded in sex and desirability. You’re a much more complex being than that and becoming single provides you with an opportunity to reconnect with interests or people you potentially neglected in the past.
Even if you’re interested in sexual exploration, there are healthier ways to do it than engaging in a casual hookup.
There’s No Formula for Getting Over a Breakup: Trust Your Gut
Self-love is an obvious choice. In this day and age, you have so many opportunities to try something new and learn about facets of your sexuality you were previously unaware of. Sex toys are an obvious example. They’ve become incredibly diversified, addressing just about everyone’s tastes and preferences. It’s easy to learn more about new products the market features today. Educational resources like this guide will give you lots of new ideas, as well as recommendations for the selection of the best products that suit you.
The fact that your friend got over a breakup in a certain way doesn’t mean the exact same steps would work for you.
Each relationship is unique and so is its end.
Some breakups come with a sense of relief. Some are traumatic. Some are expected after a long period during which the relationship didn’t really work. The specifics of the end will determine just how distressed you’re going to be after calling it quits.
Don’t expect a certain outcome or a specific way in which you’re going to feel.
Take some time to analyze your emotions after the breakup. What do you experience? Relief? Sadness? A sense of loss? A positive outlook on life, knowing that something better awaits you out there?
Answering these questions is important. So is trusting your instinct about the things to do in the aftermath of a relationship end.
If you feel like you want to have a bit of casual fun with someone new, go ahead and do so. Rebound sex can be fun if you go into the experience with an open mind and a clear idea about what’s going on. However, don’t put your hopes and dreams into such an encounter. If you do, chances are that you’ll end up disappointed.
Rebound sex isn’t good or bad. It works for some people. It’s a terrible fiasco for others. Don’t be afraid of it and don’t discount the opportunity altogether. At the same time, if you feel that it’s not the right opportunity for you, refrain from trying it out. Making up your mind is as simple as that.