Sex is one of the most important aspects of any romantic relationship — and not just because it feels amazing. It is sexual intimacy that gives couples the opportunity to connect on a deeper, more intimate level. Here we’ll cover 8 easy and exciting ways to increase intimacy in the bedroom and breathe new life into your lackluster sexcapades.
For many couples, things start off hot and heavy. You may find yourself having wild sex every night of the week. Like a drug, you just can’t get enough. As you become more comfortable with one another and fall into a routine, sex sometimes gets pushed to the wayside. Seemingly more important things like work, finances, and other obligations take precedent and sex quickly becomes a routine chore rather than a satisfying encounter.
If this describes you, you’re not alone. Countless couples struggle to maintain a healthy, exciting sex life. Intimacy is a huge part of this puzzle. The closer and more connected you feel to your partner, the better the sex will be.
1. Keep the Lines of Communication Open
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Communication is key” at least a dozen times and that’s because it’s true! Being open and honest with your partner is the only way to truly know and understand their needs, fears, and desires. But communication goes far beyond talks at the dinner table and mid-afternoon text messages. Open lines of communication need to extend into the bedroom as well.
No, we aren’t talking about dirty talk (although that can help, too!). It’s important to let your partner know how you feel about your current sex life including the good, the bad, and the ugly. Do you want sex more often? Are you interested in trying different positions? Do you need more eye contact or foreplay? Remember, your other half isn’t a mind reader. Avoid disappointment by assuming they know what you want and need. Cluing them in not only guarantees you get your needs met (and get-off), but it helps you connect on a much deeper level. There’s something extremely sexy and intimate about being vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down along with your pants!
2. Explore New Possibilities, Together
Variety is the spice of life. If your relationship is lacking intimacy, it may be time to think about the box (or should we say bed?). While we aren’t suggesting you take up exhibitionism, it’s always fun to experiment with new and different sensations, positions, and experiences.
If you’re normally passive, try taking on a more aggressive role or initiating sex before your partner can. Surprise them in the shower, offer to give them a sensual massage, or blindfold and tease them with a tickler or other fun toys! Role-playing is another popular way to spice things up and get yourself out of the “same old” routine. Meet at your favorite restaurant and pretend you’re on a blind date or go really wild and try on different costumes.
The most important part of experimenting in the bedroom is that you’re doing it together. It’s this shared experience of letting your guard down and being more open-minded that will help foster a deeper, more profound connection.
3. Increase Intimacy by Sharing Your Fantasies
In addition to experimenting and exploring new possibilities behind closed doors comes sharing your deepest, most intimate fantasies. We all have fantasies but some are more extreme than others. Your fantasy may be something simple like meeting a sexy stranger in a bar and bringing them back to your place for a one-night stand, while someone else’s fantasy might involve whips, chains, and hot wax or threesomes.
The mere act of sharing your deepest desires with your significant other is intimate and arousing in itself. Unfortunately, not everyone is comfortable with the “show and tell” portion of the evening. If you’re not sure how to broach the subject, try using subtle hints. Comment on a particular sex scene or scenario from a movie or show that turns you on. If you can’t wait for the opportunity to arise, porn can be a great conversation starter.
Try sharing a pornographic video or an erotic sex story that depicts your fantasy. Then, ask your partner what they thought about it and if it turned them on. Point out how hot you thought a certain scene was and that you’ve always wanted to try it. Ask them about their fantasies, too. Just because you share them out loud doesn’t mean you have to act on them. Remember, intimacy is also about respecting your partner’s boundaries.
4. Focus on Foreplay to Increase Intimacy
Foreplay is a fan favorite for both men and women. That sexual tension and build-up before sex make the act itself even more enjoyable — especially the grande finale! All too often we find ourselves rushing through foreplay and right onto the main course. Whether it’s time constraints or extreme exhaustion, it’s this tendency to rush that robs the sex of its intimacy.
Slow down! Focus on pleasing and teasing your partner slowly and purposefully, building up to that moment of ultimate pleasure — but only when you’re both willing and ready. Take turns giving each other a sensual massage. Play a fun erotic board game that encourages you to explore each other’s bodies in new and different ways. Foreplay can also start long before you’re together with plenty of naughty text messages, photos, and phone calls. Invest some time and effort into creating sexual tension prior to the “big night” and your reward will be a deep connection and an even deeper orgasm.
5. Consider All Forms of Intimacy
Intimacy comes in all forms and the opportunity for intimacy is everywhere. By recognizing ways to connect with your other half outside the bedroom, you can enjoy a more intimate experience between the sheets.
There are six common forms of intimacy, each offering a unique way to connect with your partner on a deeper level.
- Physical (holding hands, cooking together, exercising)
- Sensual (kissing, hugging, massaging)
- Emotional (talking about your day, writing letters to one another, date nights)
- Sexual (oral sex, intercourse, foreplay)
- Intellectual (communicating, sharing opinions and goals)
- Spiritual (sharing beliefs, special moments, and aspirations)
These are just a few examples of each type of intimacy. If you keep your eyes and ears open, you’re bound to find even more opportunities to learn more about yourself and your lover.
Achieving True Intimacy is Possible
True intimacy during sex stems from shared experiences, honesty, and vulnerability. Just like relationships, increasing intimacy takes work — both in and out of the bedroom. The good news is that with a little creativity and an open mind, you and your significant other can achieve increased intimacy, a deeper connection, and more satisfying sex.