Seeing an ex after a breakup can be a struggle. Maybe you hate them, maybe you are not over them yet. But no matter what, we all hit that point when we accidentally run into our ex post-breakup. What do you do if you run into your ex on the beach of all places? We have all the solutions for you, or at least a list of what not to do. You can also check out this list of all the best beaches to check out, hopefully your ex won’t be there, but if they are you will be prepared.
Bury Yourself in the Sand… Literally
Although it’s incredibly fun, it’s not super sexy to be covered in sand. Unless your plan is to scare your ex by looking like a sand monster, which is totally acceptable if that’s what you want to do, best to avoid getting too dirty. Also what’s worse than your ex walking by as you are an amorphous head with no body, incapable of escaping.
Even if you’re not over your ex yet, there are better ways to get them back than by staring. You don’t want your sexy stare to be misinterpreted as a stalker scare. Just because you enjoy You doesn’t mean you need to channel your inner Joe.
Unlike other locations where you can disguise yourself into the background, the beach has nowhere to hide. Sand beaches are sprawling landscapes with few places to hide. Also when you hide at the beach, it’s clear you are hiding. Unlike running into your ex in a cityscape, where you can pretend to be doing something different if you’re found, at the beach it’s clear you are trying to hide.
Stoop to their Level
If they want to be petty let them be petty. Don’t fall for all their fake attempts to make you jealous or angry, that is what you are doing to them. Assert your dominance, and show that you are the bigger better person. If they want to stare or hide, let them, you are above it.
Don’t have a nip slip… or do?
Any kind of slip in your bathing suit can cause extreme embarrassment. It’s best to make sure everything is secure, so there is no accidental flashing. Unless, of course, you want to give a little tease. If you want your ex back and think this might work, then go for it. But for most people out there, this will probably be embarrassing.
You might think a fake, or real, water accident will result in being romantically saved, but it probably won’t. Best case scenario: you drown and never have to see them again. But your ex probably won’t be the one to save you. Maybe a cute surfer will and then you will fall in love, but even that is unlikely. You will probably look like a train wreck who makes bad decisions. Also, don’t be the damsel in distress when you can be your own hero.
It doesn’t matter what your goal is with your ex: making them jealous, getting their attention, making them mad. Nothing will prevent as much as doing nothing. Inaction is worse than embarrassing yourself. If you want to get their attention, get their attention, if you want to make them jealous from afar, do it.
Really this is a tip for running into your ex anywhere. Just don’t do this. You shouldn’t cry in front of them because you miss them, or because you hate them, or because the pet fish you shared died. Though I fully support a good cry surrounded by friends, crying in front of your ex isn’t cute. Even if they comfort you, it will probably be uncomfortable more than anything else. Save your tears for someone who didn’t break your heart.
Tell them that You are Perfect Now
I know we all want our exes to think that we are so much better without them, and even if it’s true let it go. If you are better off without them, why do you care? Let it go and don’t even speak to them. Alternatively if you are doing worse off, don’t try to convince them otherwise and end up coming off as fake. You are a person and it is okay to not be okay. Don’t publicize that to your ex if you don’t want to, but don’t pretend to be something you are not. Just be who you are, and walk away if they have a problem with that.
Play “Your Song” Super Loudly
Bringing a speaker to the beach is a great way to enhance your experience. While most music is acceptable, there are a few songs where you need to draw the line. Every couple has “their song” that was playing when they met, or they first kissed, etc.. Don’t blast you and your ex’s song over the loud speaker. It will be deeply uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Run in Slow Motion
We all know the Baywatch trope of the sexy lifeguards running in slo-mo along the beach, but it won’t come out half as sexy in real life. Don’t actually run slowly by your ex on the beach, because you will look ridiculous. If you run by at regular speed once and they don’t notice what are you going to do? Keep running by until they see you? Accept that your life is not an episode of Baywatch and settle for a sexy stroll instead.