We have all been in one of those casual sexual relationships that just turns…ugh, messy AF.
Or, if we haven’t, then we’ve definitely seen a friend go through that complete torture with a FWB or a co-worker turned personal sex therapist.
And, it always seems to end in one way: the woman catching feelings.
So, why is that?
NYGal dived into the issue head-on to see why we’re always the ones becoming emotionally attached. And, let me tell you, guys, it’s definitely not always our fault.
We Attach Emotion To Sex
Unfortunately, ladies, it’s true. Science doesn’t lie. Woman are much more likely to attach emotion to sex than men thus making a casual sexual relationship much more difficult to pursue.
There have been many studies performed to determine the way in which women are affected by the oxytocin (the love-drug) boost they receive from a little hump in the sack. And, in the book “The Female Brain”, author, Louanne Brizendine sums up the female’s complexity of emotional thought process perfectly:
“Women have an eight lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road … Men have the O’Hare Airport hub for processing thoughts about sex, whereas women have the airfield nearby that lands small and private planes.”
So, there you have it. After sex, men are thinking about one thing; most likely sleep or that leftover pizza in the fridge because that’s all they can fit in their one-lane brain.
Women, on the other hand, are carefully cataloging this experience into every part of their lives; how it makes them feel, how it fits into their schedule, how they compare to other past lovers, what they should get them for their birthday, etc. It might sound crazy, but, girls, there is no shame in being the gender that is more in tune with their emotions.
You’re Giving Us Mixed Signals
Alright, boys, we are not crazy – well, maybe a little. But, chances are the reason why we are catching feelings is because YOU are giving us mixed signals, and that’s just not cool.
But, chances are, since you are not as emotionally in tune as we are, you have no idea what you even want. Or, what’s even going on. Like, do you even know what day it is?
If you are texting us to come over every night, it’s going to seem like you actually like us, sorry. And, if you are trying to cuddle after sex than it definitely gives off the vibe that you’re looking for a full-time boo-thang…when chances are you’re probably just cold or it’s comfy for you at that moment. I mean, what guy doesn’t like to snuggle up with some boobies?
But, boys, don’t get surprised when we get all pissy because you’re ignoring our texts or if you’re flirting with Jessica, Maria, or Angela on the side.
Learn to treat us with respect and actually tell us what you want…seriously, figure it out. We’re waiting.
We Are Spending Too Much Time On You
Ok, girls, we aren’t all guilt-free in these situations. Sometimes we start messing around with someone who we know is completely emotionally unavailable and for some reason we just keep doing it.
Like, we know this guy isn’t worth our precious time, but it’s familiar, and it’s fun (I guess), and like, it hasn’t totally emotionally destroyed us (yet).
It’s hard to just tear away from someone you like and feel comfortable with, but in this case, it’s necessary. By continuing to sleep with him, you’re just going to hurt yourself more.
And, what’s really sucky about this whole dynamic is that HE is getting exactly what he wants while you are suffering only getting the bare minimum…well, if he’s good in bed, hopefully, it’s a little more than the bare minimum. But
So, the next time he hits you up at 2 AM with the classic, “You up?” text, tell him to use his hand. Who knows? Once you tear away, Mister “Just In It For The Sex” might come back begging on his knees. What a beautiful picture that would be!
There Is A Lack Of Communication
In many casual sexual
Either the conversation about both partner’s intentions never happened, happened too late, or emotions changed over the course of the relationship. No matter what the communication issue is, it can cause extreme emotional damage and lasting relationship scars for everyone involved.
If you find yourself in a casual sexual relationship that has not been communicated as “casual”, you need to start talking. A lack of communication in a sexual situation, is a lack of respect. And, everyone deserves a little respect.
We Are Idealizing You
Alright, guys, listen up! You’re not that great. You are very replaceable, in fact. Sometimes, us, ladies, just can’t see that. We have a tendency to idealize you because you are giving us instant gratification. Very similar to the way we give you pleasure that has you keeping us on a leash via the “You Up?” texts, generic compliments, and cute, but douchey, smacks on the ass after a hook-up.
But, get this straight, we are not really idealizing YOU. It’s more like your c**k putting these thoughts into our heads that the person attached to it is really Prince
So, don’t let your head swell bigger than it already is. Put your ego aside and realize that us, women, enjoy sex just as much as men do. We just try to attach sound reasoning to our actions, so that our worlds make sense. Don’t worry though, we’ll figure out you’re not worth it soon enough.