We’ve all been in those relationships where we feel extremely unheard and misunderstood. If you’re like me, I’m sure you’ve had a douchebag ex who you constantly shared bitter banter with. And, don’t even get me started on the neverending circle arguments. Girl, having to repeat yourself over and over again is not only annoying as fuck, but it’s exhausting on your whole system; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
In relationships like this, the real underlying issue is the lack of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability of a person to be aware of their emotions, express them in a clear and logical way, and control them in times of hardship. People with high emotional intelligence also will have the ability to be empathetic with others, which can be a saving grace in a romantic relationship.
Here are some specific ways that emotional intelligence will nurture a growing relationship…
Listening Skills
Of course, you want bae to listen to all the little details of your day, and not just listen, but also ask questions and contribute to the conversation. Emotionally intelligent people are great at listening. That is because they understand the importance of being heard. You’ll be sent to the moon when your boo remembers your coffee order. Or, if he remembers to pick up a card for your Aunt’s birthday on his way home from work. It’s the little things that matter and it’s nice to know he really is listening when you speak. And, (this is key) remembering what you said.
See Also: Don’t Be so Damn Defensive – the Subtle Art of Listening
Open to Change
Being accepting of change can be hard sometimes. However, in relationships, change is an inevitable thing. Whether it’s a life change or just the dynamic of your relationship; love is always growing and morphing. But, emotionally intelligent people deal with it much easier than others. The stress of moving to a different city because your partner got a job opportunity could seem extremely overwhelming, I mean, it’s not your career. But, an emotionally intelligent person will clearly see the bigger picture and support the change their partner is proposing. They will be able to quickly adopt a new mindset and find the positives in the change; both on a personal level and within the relationship.
See Things From Different Perspectives
We all have heard the saying about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes, and that’s just what emotionally intelligent people tend to do on a daily basis. They are capable of seeing their partner’s perspective in all situations. In difficult situations, this will definitely help cool arguments quickly. They’re able to talk peacefully and logically in order to resolve issues. Seeing the world from your partner’s perspective also prevents arguments from even happening in the first place. An emotionally intelligent partner will make decisions based on the perspective of their partner out of respect.
Read Your Partner
Being able to read your partner is helpful in many ways. The most obvious is when your partner is maybe silent and ‘in a mood’…Girls, we are all guilty of this. You’ll feel comforted and understood when your man is quickly able to determine what has you feeling so low and help you remedy the problem. Another way in which reading your partner can be beneficial is in the bedroom. Emotionally intelligent people have better sex because of their ability to read their partner’s moans, sighs, and body language. It’s mindblowing when he knows what it means when you bite your lip and grab the back of his neck hard or if he can tell by your eyes what speed is working for you. It’s nice to not always have to boss your man around verbally in the bedroom. And, it’s so sexy to know that he pays attention and understands your body.
Accept Criticism
Accepting criticism is never easy for anyone. No one likes to be told that they suck. But, emotionally intelligent people will be able to deal with it easier. And, even use it for improvement. Emotionally intelligent partners are A+ students in relationships. They won’t sit and mope on the couch because you admitted to him that you think he acts differently around your family. He will use his empathetic nature by seeing the situation from your perspective. He will then work on changing his ways if they are affecting you negatively.
See the Good in One Another
Even more important than accepting criticism, is being able to see the good in one another. Seeing what makes your partner special is what will keep you falling in love with them. No one wants a stale relationship that just feels like it’s floating along without any passion. Hi, been there done that, see you never. Emotionally intelligent relationships are filled with much more love and kindness than others. Who wouldn’t want to still be head-over-heels in love with their bae after three years?
More Respect
Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, said: “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.” Well, emotionally intelligent people know that it means a whole damn lot. Not just to Aretha, but to every woman! No one wants to be in a relationship where they feel degraded, misunderstood, or unheard. Because of their abilities to be empathetic and see situations from different perspectives, there’s no wonder there is a high amount of respect in emotionally intelligent relationships. Partners, with these skills, understand what makes them feel good as individuals, so they use that knowledge to give their partner the same respect. It’s so nice to actually get what you deserve for once!
Understand Each Other Better
Feeling understood, listened to, and cared about in a relationship is majorly important. In an emotionally intelligent relationship, partners will both nurture their bond together, making sure each individual is equally happy with the dynamic. They crave to understand their partners on all levels: physical, emotional, mental, and soul. Relationships that like this tend to run deep and are hard to break because they encapsulate every part of you.
Share How You Feel
It’s easy to share what you’re thinking or feelings with an emotionally intelligent partner because you know that they’re always willing to listen and lend a hand when needed. They’re easy to vent to on a bad day and easy to talk about anything under the sun with; Whether it’s the news or the weather, or updates about a sick relative, they will always be easy to open up to, making you feel heard and understood.
More Mindful
Being mindful is a learned skill. When entering into a relationship, you must always remember you’re not the only one you need to take care of anymore. There is someone near you that wants to be cared for too. And, you must sacrifice a little bit of your time and emotion to tend to their needs. However, this must go both ways. Always. If both partners are emotionally intelligent, their mindfulness in all their actions will be apparent; From morning kisses to taking out the trash, you’ll be able to tell that they are thinking of you and your well-being.
