Being in a relationship can sometimes be an amazing thing and we find ourselves falling in deep love with someone. For many people, this does not occur because they might be dating someone who has toxic or negative traits. When you have strong feelings for someone and begin falling in love with them you might be blind to some of the negatives of the relationship or just ignore the problems.
One issue that happens a lot of the time is that we are being used by our significant other. This tends to happen when one partner takes advantage of the other and uses them for financial, sexual, or personal gain.
If you want to learn about how to check if your being used in a relationship, we outline 17 signs to look out for and how to resolve the issue.
1. Your Partner Begins Showing Signs of Disinterest
One sign to look out for when being in this situation is if they begin showing disinterest in you. When in a relationship you are supposed to enjoy each other’s presence and time. It’s always suspicious if they put zero interest in you. They might only be dating you cause they enjoy the attention you give them but don’t actually care for your time.
2. Only Interested When Wanting or Needing Something
Another sign to check is if the person only is happy when they want or need something from you. For example, let’s say your partner is fighting with you but then begins acting nice when they need a favor. People who use others, will show interest and make you feel special so they can use you for whatever gain they feel they will get from you. Look out for these signs, so you don’t end up being manipulated.
3. They Only Hang Out When Your Needed
Many people who use their partner only hang out with them when they feel the other person is useless. Your partner might always cancel plans or not spend time with you when you would like, but they seem happy to hang out when they need you. An example of this is if you have good connections they might suddenly only want to hang out when your co-workers or business partners are around but never alone.
4. Putting Other Priorities Above Yours
A partner who uses the other will many times feel they are a priority above you. Also, they might feel that their needs are more important than any of yours. A lot of men tend to do this because they have an old-school mentality where they think their jobs and activities are more serious than the females. When being used the person will never prioritize you or what you want to do because they don’t consider you an equal in the relationship.
5. You Feel Uneasy Around Them
Sometimes your body can feel when there is negative energy or something is correct in the situation. Have you ever driven down a dangerous street, or walking at night by yourself and feel uneasy? that same feeling can happen in a relationship. You might not feel right or comfortable around the other person, that’s because your body might be warning you there is something not right about this person.
6. You Are Always Giving and Not Receiving
In relationships, there is always the fun of getting and receiving gifts on birthdays, Valentine’s day, and more. The most important thing is that your both putting in what your getting. When being in a relationship, you might notice signs that you are always giving your partner love, affection, gifts, and more but not getting the same thing back. Someone who wants to be with you will put in the same amount you are giving them.
7. They Act Like You Owe Them
Guilt is one of the ways that people can get you to do things for them. A person who uses the other will guilt them into feeling as if they owe them something just because they are together. Your partner might use phrases like “please do this for me, do you not love me?’ Or say that you owe them because they did one nice thing for you even though doing a nice thing for someone doesn’t always have to mean they owe you.
8. Holding Grudges
Manipulators tend to hold grudges if they don’t get their way. Your partner might start to hold a grudge or ignore you if they don’t get what they want at the moment. That is not only very childish but very toxic as well, you might notice that if they don’t get their way sexually or financially they won’t speak to you. They do this so you can eventually feel bad for upsetting them and give in to their needs or wants.
Manipulators make you feel that you’re not worthy of their time, or that you are just not as important as them so they can use you or feel better about themselves. This is a tactic many people use when they want to control someone by bringing them down. If you start feeling undervalued in a relationship it might be time to move on.
9. You Change For Them But Never The Other Way Around
Relationships are all about growth, both partners sometimes have to grow or change for the betterment of the relationship. You might find yourself changing to fulfill your partner’s needs but they never want to change for you.
Maybe you are an affectionate and loving person but the other isn’t so you change into a less affectionate partner for them. Yet, your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t do the same for you. The person might not feel they need to change because they don’t plan on being with you for the long run.
10. Beginning to Feel Undervalued
During relationships where your partner might be using you, you start to develop negative feelings about yourself. Manipulators make you feel that you’re not worthy of their time, or that you are just not as important as them so they can use you or feel better about themselves. This is a tactic many people use when they want to control someone by bringing them down. If you start feeling undervalued in a relationship it might be time to move on.
11. Their Future Does Not Involve You
Usually, in adult or even young adult relationships, it is important to plan a future and your future together. Someone who doesn’t really care for dating you and is only with you for gain might not be thinking of adding you to their long-term plans. When you start talking about marriage, kids, moving in together they start feeling overwhelmed and angry that you’re pressuring them into a future because you are not part of their future in their mind.
12. Behaviors Differ In Private And Public
Another sign to look out for is if they behave differently with you in private and in public. Many manipulators do this because they want to continue a public appearance of a nice caring person in front of friends and family, so they can like them. Also, they do this so you can feel conflicted because they are so caring and nice in public but in private are completely different.
13. Causing Emotional Distress
Relationships are supposed to make us happy, we are not supposed to be stressed out or depressed. Your relationship might be in this situation if you start feeling emotional distress. Your partner might begin giving you stress because you’re giving 100% but yet they only care for you when they need you. This also can cause confusion and make you question if what you are doing is wrong and if you are not giving enough.
14. They Turn You Into The Problem
If you communicate to your partner what your feeling they might turn it around on you. Nobody wants to feel like the bad guy and even if they are just using you they might make you feel that you are the issue and you are what needs to change. All relationships are a two-way street and not one person is always at fault. Someone who wants to be with you will listen and change instead of pointing fingers.
15. How To Communicate The Issue
One way to fix this problem or let your partner know how you feel is to communicate with them. Like we said above they might turn the problem on to you. You can give them examples of times they have misbehaved or you felt you were being used.
If you give examples of certain times they might start seeing a pattern. Also, make sure to speak in a calm tone and don’t get defensive because then it can lead to a fight, and the conversation won’t go anywhere.
16. Ways To Leave The Problem
If you feel that you are being used and they are not willing to change you might have to leave the relationship. Unfortunately, it is hard to leave someone you want to be. Coming up with a list of reasons why you are leaving, that way when they try to convince you to stay you can remember why the relationship is toxic. Also, do it in a public place, even if it is embarrassing because in public they might not raise their voice or force you into anything.
17. Preventing This In Your Life
Lastly, how do we prevent this from happening to us? We might not ever see the signs. You can prevent this by taking your time to get to know the person and see if there any red flags before jumping into a relationship.
Also, communicate constantly with them about any issues. If they don’t want to grow or contribute do not give them any more of your time.
One last thing is to talk to your friends and family about issues in the relationships because they might see something you aren’t.