When love packs its bags to leave, it turns out to be the most difficult trip ever. It goes and it goes—never waving goodbye after that last car honk or running back from the airport entrance for that one extra hug or affirming to you in quiet, desolate moments that “I’ll be right back”.
Sometimes you can see the relationship falling apart, and sometimes it’s like an autumn leaf parting its way from the tree without any warning. However signaled or unannounced, it hurts in big ways but lingers in the little ones—the sting of a rose’s thorn, the prick of a safety pin, the ripping of a band-aid. Love leaves you either the jilted lover or the villain, your tombstone engraved with only the facts of your transgressions.
To take clear steps toward a destination of liberation from a relationship that has been overbearing and overwhelming can most certainly be difficult, yet it does not have to be ugly. You can skip the blame game, the throwing of furniture and foul words, or the scoreboard of who has hurt who the most. To keep the resentment, anger, complaints, and jealousy at bay, you have to find a way that keeps the emotional consideration of both parties at par. It might seem impossible at first, but arriving at a middle ground becomes quite easy with these simple tip-offs:
Cut the collar
“You said this..you promised that..you respected my choices initially, maybe because you wanted to… Hush! Stop right there.
Private matters should be discussed behind closed doors. Your friends, your neighbors, or passersby should not get a chance to sit by with a tub of popcorn while you are going through a tough time. You made love in person; you should clearly talk about it in person too. Especially if marriage is under consideration, cut the cackle in front of children. They should be kept away from all the arguments, shouting, and venting. They should not be placed in a situation where they get to choose a favorite parent because of the odds that were told to them by the other.
Trash-talking can do more harm than you can imagine, which is why it is advised to vent carefully. Dump on your emotions only in front of your strongest supporters, the ones who will listen with their hearts and speak with their minds.
Bank on their best intentions
To believe that their only dream is for your world not to end might seem like a strange thought at first, but when you reminisce about the past and about the person that you initially fell in love with, you might slip the thought under the rug. Make yourself believe that they are equally worried about you and your well-being, or, if not good, that they do not wish worse for you in the whole process. Knowing that the hurt has been felt equally by the two of you in this whole process of parting might help you put yourself at ease. To believe in the goodness of others at a time when your whole world is tumbling is a strange concept that puts a comforting fire in the freezing wind of abandonment and separation.
Keep your eye on the prize
Your prize is peace. Keep in mind the primary reason for your divorce or breakup: because the chaos was too much to handle, your partner was too much to deal with, and they are no longer someone you want to interact with. So why bother spending time on their justifications? With your choice to get a divorce or end your relationship, the battle is already won. Your sanity and mental tranquility are all that remain. The key goal is to safeguard it and for the two of you to gracefully swan out of the situation without harming anyone.
Shoulders to lean on
At the time of a breakup, when you are at your most vulnerable and your emotions are climbing to their peak before you take a trust fall, it becomes crucial to prioritize the people in your life. The help that is being offered and the help that you are accepting will shape your ability to rely on people in the long run. Dispensing the mantra of I am fine and crying your heart out on a shoulder that will silently soak up the tears like the fresh dew on flowers is a much-needed getaway for those rainfalls of emotions.
After the crying session, your heart would feel lighter, which would help you attain clarity about some fogged-up stances from your past relationship.
Dear diary to the rescue
Sometimes, people fail to put words to their emotions. Their hearts are burdened by countless unsaid, unfelt emotions that they cannot bring themselves to share with friends or family. At this gruesome hour, a pen and a piece of paper come to the rescue. When you do not know what to do or what to feel or how to convey, simply return back to the old-school method of penning down the emotions. Go wherever the flow takes you; write what your heart tells you. The good and the bad about your partner—things you will miss and things you will be happy about—are finally off your chest. They are things you have told your friends a hundred times and things you have told nobody but yourself.
This would help you to set healthy boundaries with your partner, make you realize whether you would still like to be in contact, and gradually help the wound fade away or end it all at once. Whatever it is, writing will certainly help you communicate better.
When you have loved a person and given them your affection and time, it gets difficult to think that it is likely that the routine of loving each other and being each other’s comfort will shatter like your favorite glass painting. But every painting has its due time, after which it is time for a new canvas, new colors, and a new artist to paint a fresh picture altogether!
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