Think you or someone that you know is in a violent relationship? Want to learn how to see the pattern of offensive behaviors? Let’s say your partner hurts you, then apologizes and says that they will ensure it never occurs again. However, you are afraid that the relationship abuse will happen again. At times, you question whether you are actually experiencing the abuse, or if it is all in your head.
If any of this sounds familiar, you might be in an offensive relation. There are some common indications to be on the lookout for when it comes to abuse. By looking at these signals, you can know what you need to do to stop the mistreatment from happening.
Signs of Offensive Situations
Mistreatment takes many forms such as sexual, physical, emotional, or even threats of mistreatment. Whether you are in a heterosexual relation or a same-sex one, brutality can happen in any relationship.
Relations that are offensive often involve an imbalance of control and power. The abusers use hurtful, intimidating words and have hurtful behavior towards his or her partner. At first, it is not easy to identify the mistreatment. Some relations are offensive from the beginning while in others, the mistreatment starts subtly and then gets worse over time.
Here are some indications of an offensive relation, if your partner:
- Insults you, puts you down or calls you names, it is a sign of relationship abuse and you should put an end to it.
- Prevents you from going out with friends or keeps you from going to work
- Tries to micromanage where you go, how you manage your finances, what you wear, what prescriptions you take
- Acts overly possessive or gets jealous without any reason
- Threatens you with a weapon
- Gets angry after drinking alcohol and uses bad language
- Hits, kicks, slaps, or otherwise physically hurt you, your children, your pets, etc.
- Forces you to have sex with your consent
- Blames you for their aggressive behavior
- Threatens to expose your secrets in front of your family, friends, colleagues, etc.
In an offensive situation, the brutality is usually cyclic. The abuser will threaten you with brutality, then will strike you. After this, the abuser will apologize, try to make up for what happened, and promise to never let it happen again.
However, this is not true. This cycle will continue, and the longer you keep facing this, the greater the emotional toll on you will be.
Don’t Hold Yourself Responsible
Most of the time people don’t ask for help because they think that they are partially responsible for the mistreatment. There are several reasons for this. Your partner doesn’t take responsibility for the mistreatment and makes you feel as if it is your fault and you blame yourself.
Moreover, your partner is only offensive to you. Outside of your relationship, he or she has a calm, charming personality. Therefore, you start to think that the mistreatment is due to something bad that you have done.
If you have been going to a therapist, and haven’t told them about the situation, they will not be able to identify the issue outright. This can lead you to believe that since even the health care providers can’t see it, it is proof that the fault is yours.
It is very likely that during conflicts, you have yelled at your partner or pushed them. If you are thinking that you are the abuser, you have to tell yourself that you acted in self-defense and you are the victim here.
Relationship Abuse and Pregnancy
At times, physical violence starts or becomes worse during pregnancy which not only puts you at risk but puts the health of your unborn baby as well. Moreover, the behavior in relationship abuse doesn’t stop after your baby is born.
Even if your partner doesn’t abuse the child, simply seeing it happen at home can have a bad effect on the mental health of the kid. Kids who are born in violent households have behavioral issues and are likely to be abused later in life.
If you are afraid that asking for help will endanger you and your child, don’t be. It is best to seek help as soon as possible to keep the harm to your kid minimal.
Have a Safety Plan
It is not easy, and certainly not safe to leave an abuser. You should take some precautions before you do so. Look up the number of your local women’s shelter and ask for advice. There are various indications of dating abuse which you can read up in the essay on domestic violence so that you would know what they are, and call for help. You can call the national domestic brutality helpline as well.
However, you need to make sure that the abuser is not around. Pack a bag with emergency items, such as clothes, food, keys, your personal papers, etc. keep the bag hidden in a safe, but a handy place so that you can take it with you when you leave quickly.
It is important that you know where you are going and how you will get there. If the abuser is monitoring your online communication and telephone, make sure you get a new one with no access.
Be careful about your phone records and use your computer at work to send emails to hide the identity of the person you called for help. If there is a GPS device in your vehicle, remove it before you go someplace safe, otherwise, the abuser might be able to track you.
Call your local emergency helpline in case you are afraid for your life. Turn to a neighbor, family members, a co-worker, or a friend for support. Ask your doctor or nurse for assistance and they will give you the number of the local women’s shelter where you can find help easily.
It is hard to admit to yourself that you are in an abusive relationship. However, the longer you hold on to something that is already dead, the harder and difficult the journey will be for you. Go easy on yourself and get away from the abuser as early as possible.
Remember, asking for help is not a weakness and no one deserves to live in such a bad situation as relationship abuse.