The other day, I walked past a mirror and caught a glimpse of myself. I took a step back and admiringly said, “damn. I’m gorgeous!” Then I heard my partner’s chuckles immediately followed by the comment, “wow. Conceited much?”
I’m sure he only thought he was being funny. Or, maybe he was trying to best me at sarcasm (never going to happen, buddy). Either way, we both laughed.
But, frankly – I don’t think it’s funny.
My response: How fucked up is it that THAT is the response when a woman displays any confidence? (Yes, I totally said this to him once the laughter subsided).
I mean, seriously? I didn’t say “I’m the MOST gorgeous woman in the world!” or “I’m more attractive and desirable than anyone else!” Nope. I merely had a moment where I felt pretty and sexy and I said it out loud. That should be allowed.
Check out these reasons why you’re NOT conceited just because you know you’re attractive (especially if you’re right *wink, wink*):
Because confidence and vanity aren’t fucking synonyms
Okay. I’ll be fair about this one – there absolutely are people so freaking full of themselves that you would think that the sun literally shined out their asses. However, someone who knows their worth isn’t the same as one of those people.
On the contrary, someone who knows their worth and isn’t afraid to say it and stand up for it is the type of person you want to be around. These are the types of people who don’t need you to pat them on the back for every little thing and/or ease their anxiety every time they’re being annoyingly self-deprecating.
We get it, Brenda. You think you’re fat. Please, spare us the exhaustion of having to deny it. You’re just making everyone uncomfortable.
A lot of times it seems that people want to act like a woman who is confident is stuck up. I’m not sure why this is. The feminist in me thinks that it has something to do with the fact that women that feel inferior are easier to control so basically, it’s a systematic way of keeping women “in their place”.
But, I think that’s only part of it. I think way more of it has to do with the fact that sexism has labeled women in such (frankly – fucked up) ways that make them feel like they are, in fact, stuck up if they are confident. I mean, a confident woman? The audacity!
Let’s get real about it. Stereotypically, women are supposed to be pretty (but not know they are, of course), quiet, and full of nurturing self-sacrifice. None of these words describe a woman who knows she’s hot and loudly proclaims it. And, why would it? It means she doesn’t need your approval (and I’m betting that scares the hell out of people).
Because you’ve earned the right to be confident
Let’s be honest here. In our society, it is very difficult to be confident as a woman. Not only do the ads contradict each other on what is “attractive” this week, but we deal with the nearly constant crap from people in our lives too.
I mean, let’s be honest. Everyone experiences getting made fun of for their appearance from time to time. I’ve been mocked for having small breasts and frizzy hair. I was told that I was “too tall to get a man”. And, it was and still is implied that I’m “too thin”.
Still, I’ve never struggled all that much in the “confidence department”. But, even I won’t pretend I wasn’t concerned when the prospects of dating become a thing and I was riddled with acne and itty bitty titties. I tried every acne treatment I could and bought padded bras with underwire to feel out my tops the way I only wished I could.
Eventually, I realized, most of us teens had acne and plenty of guys were more than fine with my itty bitties *wink, wink*. But – this took years! It’s only been the last 5 years or so that I actually like my breasts (FINALLY!) and I don’t feel hideous when I get a zit.
As women, it takes us forever to gain any confidence in this society. So, once you have it – flaunt it, girl! You’ve earned that shit!
Because it’s hard enough to be a woman without putting other people’s opinions on yourself
Today, I affectionately refer to my breasts as my “itty bitties” and I try not to sweat the occasional blemish (I mean, what do I expect when I never stop eating candy? *wink, wink*). The key is to not set unrealistic expectations for yourself and to not let it upset you when small people must point out where you’re lacking (as if anyone’s perfect).
For example, instead of getting upset about my small chest or comments about my body, I think “whatever man – at least I get to be tall and thin.” And, the reverse is true as well. Thicker girls get the boobs, thinner girls get to be thin. That’s how it works.
The truth is that everyone has different flaws and preferences. And, that’s okay. Eventually, someone is going to love you for those “flaws” because that’s their preference.
You should just strive to be the best version of yourself. I mean, really, if you and the person you want to have sex with think you’re hot – why the hell do you even give anyone else a second thought? It’s just a waste of emotions.
Because confidence is sexy
Only One Direction would lead us to believe that women who don’t know they’re beautiful are somehow more beautiful. I mean, come on. What a load.
In the real world, a woman without any confidence is likely to be a bit needy and insecure. And, what’s sexy about that?
Sure, there’s something to be said for sharing our insecurities with our partner to be a very wonderful and intimate experience. And, it can be sexy when they communicate how turned on they are by something you’ve never even considered to be an attractive attribute of yours.
But, too much insecurity only leads to problems for both people in a sexual relationship.
People too lacking in confidence tend to need constant validation. And, let’s be honest, they’re probably too self-conscious to be that good in bed. Sure, you don’t want someone who’s too egotistical, but some confidence goes a long way.