The post is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
Thinking back to when you were a child, you may remember how difficult it was to control your emotions when something bad or sad happened in your life. You might have thrown a tantrum when your toy was stolen by a classmate or cried in the corner when your parents told you that you needed to eat your veggies before having dessert.
As an adult, your emotional responses are likely much more controlled, but you may still struggle to keep them in check from time to time. While parents are supposed to teach their kids the art of emotional regulation from a young age, not everyone learns this crucial skill.
A lack of emotional regulation can have detrimental consequences, including difficulty forming healthy relationships, issues at work or school, and even getting in trouble with the law due to violent outbursts or risky behaviors. While these represent the most severe repercussions, emotional regulation can still impact your daily life by keeping you from your full potential.
Here, we’ll discuss what it means to have a healthy sense of emotional regulation and how you can take steps to develop this vital skill.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation refers to a person’s ability to control their emotional state and subsequent responses. Those who have mastered emotional regulation know how to identify and name their emotions and understand the importance of thinking before responding. Instead of saying something impulsively or behaving irrationally, they take the time to calm down and consider all the facts before deciding what to do next. This allows them to navigate life and relationships with clarity, confidence, and self-awareness.
How Can You Develop Emotional Regulation?
Even if you didn’t learn this skill as a child, the good news is that emotional regulation can be developed and improved over time. You can start the process on your own or with the help of a professional, such as a therapist. Not everyone feels comfortable learning a new skill on their own, which is why online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp can be useful. Whether you choose to pursue the guidance of a therapist or not, here are five steps you can begin taking now to help you build up your ability to self-regulate:
- Take a step back: When something has bothered or triggered you, start by taking a step back and thinking about how you’re feeling in that moment. Take some deep breaths, practice mindfulness, and give yourself time to sort through your feelings without judging them.
- Name your emotions: Next, try to put names to your emotions. Do you feel sad? Angry? Surprised? Whatever you’re feeling, it’s crucial to be able to name it so that you can begin to understand your emotions and practice self-regulation.
- Explore why you feel this way: After you’ve identified your emotions, it’s time to explore why you might be feeling this way. Did someone say something that triggered you? When you can identify why you’re feeling a certain way, you can take steps to get more information about a situation, ask follow-up questions, or communicate about your emotional state.
- Accept how you feel: Rather than suppressing your emotions or trying to change them, practice self-acceptance. Your feelings are valid, even if they’re not factual. Allow your emotions to run through your body freely without judging them or shaming yourself for having them. Self-acceptance can be key to moving forward in a healthy way.
- Problem-solve and communicate: Finally, it’s time to respond to your emotions. Is there something you or someone else can do to help you feel better? Do you need to have a talk with someone and communicate boundaries or expectations? Maybe there’s something you need to clarify to make sure you heard someone right. Responses can be verbal, behavioral, or both. Once your head is clear, you can take decisive action according to what’s necessary and appropriate for the situation.
Looking Forward
Understanding how to recognize, control, and respond to your emotions can be crucial to your well-being. Not only can emotional regulation affect your mood, but it can also impact your success at work and school, the quality of your relationships, and your ability to be resilient in the face of life’s challenges. Developing this skill doesn’t happen overnight, and you’ll need to be consistent and patient with yourself, especially if this is something you’re learning for the first time. With a steady amount of effort, the right tools and guidance, and plenty of self-compassion for the times you fall short, it is possible to master the art of emotional regulation.
