‘History repeats itself.’ We’ve all heard this famous proverb at least once in our lives, directly or indirectly. And where’s the lie in this? Somehow, the past always shows up again, in whatever way possible, whether we want it to or not, whether we like it or not. Certain things are never under our control, but how we react to them is something that is always up to us; that is our choice. And in situations when a crippling past memory comes back, or, say, a person with all the memories that do no good but hurt comes back, it can all be a little too much to bear. All the days, all the good and bad moments, all the emotions—everything that you felt you had moved ahead of seeps back into your life, and you find yourself sitting there, confused and surprised.
But when a lover with whom you shared a part of your story keeps trying to come back, not once but over and over again, it does get really bothersome, annoying, and, above all, mentally and emotionally draining. Nobody likes what’s gone for good, intruding again and again. And more often than not, many of us tend to react when we should be responding. We tend to act on impulses when the key is to act wisely. But we get you, truly. We understand how overwhelming such situations can be, and your reaction to them is justified. But behaving the right way can save you in the long run, and for those of you who are not so good at dealing with scenarios like these, we are here to save the day. Below is a list of things that you should keep in mind when dealing with an ex who keeps coming back.
The shock and surprise that come with the return of an ex-lover are pretty obvious. And the first thing we are most likely to do is either panic or just get mad. The reaction may differ, but the fact that it is going to be huge remains the same. So just breathe, relax, and take it easy on yourself. The best way to deal with an ex whom you have no interest in entertaining is to respond calmly, because when you won’t be in your best place mentally, the situation could go down the drain.
The fact that an ex with whom you have no interest in having a reunion keeps trying to find a way to re-enter your life despite previous rejections is usually an indicator that they were the trouble in your relationship. But then making efforts to come back could also mean that they are perhaps truly guilty for their behaviour and are trying to make amends because they still care for you, which, let’s be honest, is not a bad thing.
The only thing that matters in this case is your honesty about your feelings regarding this person. If they were the trouble in your relationship and are back again only to disturb your peace, then there is no shame in being honest, though gently, for the sake of your own well-being. But if their intentions are good enough and you have already moved on from what you had for them in the past, you need to be assured that it is absolutely okay to feel this way and that you can pacify things and let them know your true feelings about them. The more honest you are, the less space and need there is for unnecessary drama and troubles to come to you. Because honesty has somehow always saved the day, being honest with someone or having someone else be honest with you only shows the presence of respect between two people, which actually says a lot about them. So when in doubt, always choose cool headedness and your truth, for they are forever appreciated.
Think of your current situation:
While an ex might be trying to get back to you, you might have moved on with someone else. And frankly speaking, none of us are okay with our partners talking to their exes, for they can trigger insecurities, and it is only humane to feel so. So, when approached by a past lover, make sure you respond while keeping in mind your current partner. Think how you deal with someone who held the same spot in the past that your lover holds now might make them feel, or if the situations were reversed, how it would affect you. Remember to keep your past, present, and future together and to think and act thoroughly.
People, memories, and incidents from our past coming back to us is not something that is inevitable. But dealing with them the right way is always within our limits. How the situation might unfold later is something we would never know. But what one can do is always keep their intentions right and clear for the days that lie ahead and for the life that is yet to be lived.